Horseshoes and Hand-grenades
by SpitfireUSN
Summary: "Close only counts in Horseshoes and Hand-grenades." 4th Wall breaking madness ensues when the 141 and the Ghosts get some down time between ops. (Crack!fic) (Namesake replacement)
1. Chapter 1

The Rec room was particularly quiet, the only sound being the tv on in the background and Merrick at the table typing away on his laptop. Keegan was laying on the couch scrolling through his phone and Hesh was sprawled out on the other couch, his arms crossed over his face and his mouth hanging open slightly, signaling that he was asleep.

"I'm booorreed," Kick complained from the recliner, laying with his back in the seat, one foot on the floor, the other hooked over the armrest, "I'm gonna die of boredom…"

"You can't die of boredom, dumbass," Keegan commented from the table, he was playing with a deck of cards, the loner, "The readers would gang up on the people writing this shit."

Kick rolled his eyes as he replied melodramatically, "It's not like people liked me that much anyways, they're always going on about how 'Keegan's sooo handsome!' 'Can Keegan have my babies?' or some shit like that, everybody knows if you died you'd be the sob fest of the century"

"Oh right, like Spitfire's not already bringing the sobfest on Tumblr," Keegan threw his phone at Kick, successfully hitting him in the face with it, "Look at that shit, it's so fuckin' angsty!"

Kick could only stare for a moment before his face turned into one of questioning, "You said we can't be killed but, from the looks of it we have a better chance at dying some cruel ungodly death than actually making it to the end of this chapter."

"So, instead of doing something productive you guys are passing the time by taking a wrecking ball to the 4th wall, really?" Monday stood there slightly unimpressed as she crossed her arms.

Keegan arched an eyebrow at her as he replied, "Right. Because laying in bed all day watching anime is so productive."

Monday shook her head, "I think you have me confused with Red, Keegs."

Keegan huffed as he turned to face the couch, "Probably because she uses you as a way to express her weeb feelings."

"She's not a weeb, she just likes that weird, fever-dream shit that is anime," Monday lifted her chin in exaggerated mock offense.

Keegan rolled his eyes despite nobody would see it, "You forgot that she actually invested in that weird book shit that you have to read backwards."

"That's a manga, Keegan," Monday said in exasperation, letting her arms fall to her sides as she looked up and sighed, "It's like a comic book only Japanese."

"Pfft, that you have to read backwards. And what about the panels how the hell do you know which one to read first? It might as well just be a regular book that jumps from different plot points for no reason," Keegan snorted.

"That's the _Japanese_ part…" Kick commented blandly from his chair.

Keegan groaned, "Not you too, I might as well just crawl to my grave if we keep talking about this."

"Well, whether you crawl to your grave or not doesn't matter. You should probably just stop talking in general, the readers are probably freaked out by this whole chapter." Merrick chimed in, not bothering to look away from his keyboard.

"Well what do _you_ suggest we talk about?" Monday demanded, walking over to the one free couch and plopping down.

Merrick rolled his eyes, "Something boring and serious, like how most stories about us are."

"Stories about us aren't boring," Keegan protested, "Serious, yeah, but boring? Please. With all the shit going down, there's always something interesting happening."

Monday rolled her eyes and pulled out her own phone. She unlocked it and swiped through a couple screens before tapping and pulling up an app. She turned around and walked out, staring intently at the screen.

Everyone watched her go in confusion and there were several long moments of silence, until Kick broke it, "Did she just ditch us for Pokemon Go?"

"It wouldn't be Monday if she didn't," Merrick said with a snort.

A moment later there was a loud squeal and the sound of someone running. Monday had found that a charmander was somewhere on base and was determined that she would catch it and it would be hers and she'd name it Squishy and it'd be her little Squishy.

"Y'know… Redster and Spitty are talking about bringing in the one-four-one, next time…" Merrick commented plainly.

"You mean the guys that smoke like five pounds of weed?" Everybody turned to look at Hesh who was still laying on the couch, "What?"


	2. Chapter 2

" _Dude._ Did you _see_ how much response we got?!" Kick exclaimed throwing the door to the rec room open wildly.

He was greeted by several new faces. Ghost, Roach, Archer, Toad, Night, and Dash had joined the party and were taking up two of the three couches.

"Uhhh…." Kick stared dumbly, eye twitching a little, Ghost and Roach were both taking up _his_ spot on the couch.

"You're going to catch flies if you keep your mouth open any longer." Night said with a monotone and deadpan expression.

Kick's expression fell flat, "Oh _great,_ " he muttered, "The prima-donna squad's here…"

"Oi, reviewers, be patient, we'll get to you in a minute," Keegan deadpanned, staring at the ceiling.

"Merrick! Make them go away, I don't like them!" Monday complained.

"Oh please," Toad put in, "You know you love us."

Monday sputtered as she replied, "Maybe in the other story dumbass."

Toad put a hand over his heart, feigning hurt over-dramatically. Archer laughed at him and looped an arm around his shoulders.

"Now what's this about reviewers?" Archer asked curiously, looking over at Keegan.

Keegan shrugged lazily as he answered, "I don't really know, they kinda read about our lives for no reason? Out of boredom I guess, and then they talk about it? It's kinda confusing to be honest. Also Spitfire always does a 'reviewer shout-out'? They're probably wondering where that is right now..."

"So… Who all reviewed then?" Hesh asked curiously, sitting up from where he was hanging upside down off of the one free couch.

"Uhh… There was one guy called 'TheShadeOps'... he was cool," Keegan shrugged, "There was also that Coffee Monsta person Spitfire's been chatting with and Axis1 who wrote some funny prank war thing. I think the last guy with a username was 'justagenericusername', they're pretty chill. Ahhh…. Oh right, there were three guests too… um… yeah, that's all I got…"

"Wow! That's a lot of people!" Hesh exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Considering the people actually find us funny, and take the time to read about us, it's weird and endearing." Monday chimed in as she plopped down on the couch next to Hesh, wiggling her eyebrows.

"So…. What were we talking about again?" Logan asked boredly.

"Duh, we were talking about how much Monday loves Toad," Hesh reminded him.

"Are you deaf? I just said the other story, dumbass," Monday gnashed her teeth in annoyance as irritation spread across her face.

Hesh simply laughed in response.

"So, you admit you loved him!" Logan shouted, laughing as well.

Monday opened her mouth but closed it, only to spit vehemently, "That's not what I said!"

"Oh I see how it is, just profess your love to Toad. I'll use him for a punching bag later," Keegan commented.

"Go ahead and try," Toad warned, "Spitty and Red didn't write me worn the fuck out this time."

Keegan snickered at the reaction he gained as he answered coolly, "Pretty sure that wouldn't stop you from being a punching bag, but whatever makes you feel better."

Toad groaned in annoyance, "I'm not a damn punching bag. I kick ass, thank you very much."

"If by 'kick ass' you mean look at me like a kicked puppy when I beat the shit out of you, then yeah," Keegan shrugged as he replied.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try to kick my ass when I'm at the top of my game instead of the bottom of it," Toad grumbled.

Keegan put his hands up in mock defense, "I'm not the one who writes it dude, it's not my fault they decided to have you be the weakling."

Toad simply looked at him for a moment the held up a hand in a fist, "You," he held up another hand, "The point," he moved 'the point' far above 'Keegan'.

Monday by now was beginning to look panicked at the two overprotective non-boyfriends as she flailed about, "CAN'T WE ALL JUST BE FRIENDS!?"

"No!" Keegan and Toad yelled instantly and at the same time.

Monday huffed as she crossed her arms, a pout on her face as she pulled her phone out as she curled up on the couch.

Roach peaked over curiously before it changed to excitement, "You play Pokemon Go?"

Monday only gave a hum in reply.

"The cold shoulder huh? You do know you have to walk to catch Pokemon right? It just proves you wanna still be here with us," Keegan said with a smirk.

The only words Monday responded with being, "Incense, bitch."

Toad sent a glare to Keegan, "You caused this."

Keegan made a face, "The fuck is incense?" he questioned no one in particular.


End file.
